If you’re in a relationship, you might be considering trying a couples meditation. Though we can’t control what our partners think, say, or how they act toward us, we can control how we relate to them.
How anyone chooses to meditate is going to vary from person to person, but a couples meditation can, for some people, prove effective in improving romantic relationships by helping to create conditions in the mind that give us the optimal chance to relate to each other in happy and healthy ways. Obviously, a lot depends on the dynamic between two people. Some couples who meditate discover a synchronicity that flows brilliantly; for others, it can prove problematic or distracting. But the beauty of meditation is that you don’t have to be in the same room to feel a sense of contentedness or togetherness — meditating at the same time but in a different room is one way around any challenges you may experience. However you choose to do it, the purpose of a couples meditation is to focus more on the other person… and that’s how we maintain and nurture the connection, as well as a kind mind toward one another.
Below are five benefits that meditating together, or at the same time, can have on your relationship, plus a basic relationship meditation you can try.Try for free
How Couples’ Meditation Strengthens Relationships
Meditation is a practice with many benefits, and is a form of training of the mind and thoughts. Ellie Shoja, a meditation expert, says, “the same way that physical exercise is a training of the body, meditation is a training of the mind. It allows us to learn how to focus, quieten, and train our minds. We do this by first recognizing that we are thinking; second, by learning how to release thoughts that are not serving us; and finally, by replacing those thoughts with ones that help us rather than hurt us.” This practice has even more benefits than just positive thoughts and thinking. And often when we help ourselves, we help those around us. In this way, solo meditation can positively affect a relationship.
In addition, couples’ mediation or practicing forms of meditation with your partner can strengthen your relationship. Below are a few ways that it can help, along with some best practices and tools to try out for yourself!
Reduce Stress and Resolve Conflict
According to the site Mindful Couples, “couple meditation is one of the most effective tools to help people in a relationship keep their cool when they are in conflict” because it’s a powerful way to relax together, and to tune into each others subtle cues. It can also bring harmony within the relationship through synced breathing.
Rabbi Shlomo Slat-kin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist works with his wife Rivka on The Marriage Restoration Project, a Global Initiative to help keep couples together and happy. He also suggests that meditation can reduce stress in a relationship. “When couples experience stress, they are unable to access the logic part of their brain. They are focused on survival and are not able to think in the best interest of the relationship.” Meditation practices can help, though, he encourages. “By creating calm, couples can access their prefrontal cortex and be able to spend more time in the cognitive part of their brain. This will enable them to work better together, to bond, and strengthen romance.”
Increase Loving Connection
Katie Ziskind, a yoga teacher and licensed marriage and family therapist adds “meditation can promote self-awareness, so each person is more in tune with their true and genuine feelings rather than living in anger or sarcasm.” Without sarcasm in the way, couples can lift resentment and start communicating in a more loving way.
Ziskind suggests that meditating together or alone can increase positive connection. “Meditation teaches ‘ahimsa’, which can translate to ‘love for oneself is love for all’ or ‘non-violence’. From this place of unity in meditation, a couple can learn to respect each other’s feelings and opinions,” she states.
Breathing together and syncing your breathing can also create a deep connection. And tuning into each other on any level is important for understanding and empathy. These lead to love and trust, two of the most powerful backbones in any relationship, especially romantic or long term relationships.
Team Effort
Remember, meditation is a practice, and consistently showing up to practice it is important. Being accountable with your partner can encourage support between the two of you. It’s a real opportunity to cheer each other on and keep each other committed to your practice, and each other. Try setting aside a specific part of the day or get into a weekly routine together.
You can start small with simple breathing practices and move into more advanced variations together. And it can be lying down, sitting, or even walking together. Mindfulness and meditation have many different forms of practice.
The two of you can make it habit, just like date night and take turns choosing different meditations or guided visualizations to try. In fact, the two of you can look forward to it, knowing that you’ll arise with greater ease and calm afterward. And any positive shared activity strengthens relationships, so why not choose one that clears the mind and opens the heart? 04 of 04
Tools to Use
Apps are a great way to carry meditation in your pocket. On your phone, you and your sweetie can tune in to guided meditations, meditation music, and lessons on meditation together. Try Insight Timer, Calm, Unplug, or Headspace. These popular apps each have free versions that you two can test out.
Working with a counselor or coach on meditation can greatly increase its effectiveness. A counselor can assist couples in working through anything that comes up during the meditation with a focus on cooperation and growth for the relationship.
Group Meditation is a social way to raise your vibrations with your other half. It can also offer you outside perspective and a shared sense of community. Look for meditation groups on sites like Meet Up or find a space dedicated to this in your area, like Chill, a modern meditation studio in Chicago.
Chill’s founder, Laura Sage adds, “Inevitably, you will both have something you want to share about your meditation practice. Open communication and discovery about your partner are great for relationships. And, more often than not, you will also both feel better post meditation.”
5 ways couples meditation can bring you closer together
We know that meditation has many mental and physical benefits, so it’s not surprising that it can have social benefits, too. After all, when people focus less on self-critical chatter and more on being present, they have more space and capacity to achieve greater harmony within themselves, and ultimately, with the people closest to them. In fact, there’s a lot of research showing that meditation can improve relationship well-being in the following ways.
1. It decreases stress. Stress can drive a wedge into even the strongest of relationships. That’s simply because when people are stressed, they often become withdrawn, distracted, and less affectionate toward each other. If not addressed, too much stress can be toxic and even detrimental to a relationship.
According to one study (which did not involve Headspace), meditation helped to alleviate stress after just eight weeks of regular practice. And, a 2018 study showed that using the Headspace app for 30 days reduced stress by a third.
That’s certainly compelling evidence for why meditation for relationships can be so effective: When partners are less preoccupied with stress, they can be more open to supporting and caring for each other and nurturing the relationship.
2. It makes you kinder. Of course, being kind to others can only happen if we are first kind to ourselves — and meditation can help with that. When we are more compassionate with ourselves, we are more forgiving of others and have the capacity to give them the space and understanding to let them be who they truly are.
Additionally, meditation has been proven to increase those traits that can positively affect relationships and decrease those that can have a negative effect. For example, researchers from Northeastern University found that just three weeks of Headspace increased compassion by 23% and reduced aggression by 57%. Additionally, an internal study found that 10 days of Headspace reduced irritability by 27%.
Being kind and loving toward each other — and being able to effectively cope with negative emotions — is foundational to a healthy, lasting relationship.
3. It improves your ability to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. All relationships inevitably have some elements of conflict and disagreements, but how couples actually resolve those conflicts can mean the difference between a healthy and a dysfunctional relationship. Research shows that people who practice mindfulness are typically less reactive and use more compromise during conflict, which in turn results in increasing their overall satisfaction with the relationship.
4. It nurtures intimacy. If we meditate with the conscious intention to benefit our partner and/or children, we are placing a deliberate focus on their well-being. We are nurturing their sense of contentedness between each member of the couple, cultivating compassion and awareness that provides the ability to stand in the other person’s shoes, which in turn makes us more understanding and better listeners.
Couples meditation for beginners – practical exercises
Couples meditation for beginners is a great way to improve your relationship. It’s a great way to reach a whole new level of intimacy and understanding. Please read the article on intimacy first if you want to know more about intimacy. This article is about practical exercises/meditations you can do to deepen the intimacy with your partner.
Part of a series of three on couples meditation
This article is the first in a series of three:
- Couples meditation for beginners (this article).
- Advanced couples meditation for tantric partners.
- Couples meditation for experts.
We start with 5 couples meditations for beginners
We call them beginners meditations because you don’t need any skills or knowledge up front. It’s, of course, nice if you are interested in improving intimacy with your partner. If you’re a little suspicious about meditation well then try them and check if they work. They’re all simple, straightforward exercises
We start with 5 couples meditations for beginners
We call them beginners meditations because you don’t need any skills or knowledge up front. It’s, of course, nice if you are interested in improving intimacy with your partner. If you’re a little suspicious about meditation well then try them and check if they work. They’re all simple, straightforward exercises.
Benefits of couples meditation
Being together
Being together is not so obvious anymore. We’re always busy always running around, mostly somewhat stressed and/or tired. Couple meditation is a simple and powerful way to be and relax together. An important part of couple meditation is learning to simply be together doing nothing. It’s an invitation to stop doing the regular things and start to pay attention to each other.
Juicy alignment
You can be together in very different ways. If you want to pick a fight, please do. Couples meditation for beginners isn’t like that. It’s more bodily, lovingly. Couples meditation is far more relaxed but nicely energetic. It’s a way to boost up your energy by letting your body talk again. Couples meditation is a good way to energize, vitalize your relationship.
Deepening Intimacy
You will deepen intimacy because you will discover more areas of intimacy then talking (mental connection) alone. Talking is a beautiful way to experience mental alignment, but body talk is something different. It could also be that these simple meditations open both your hearts and bring you into a deep love feeling, a deep loving connection. And who knows maybe also your souls speak out and connect.
Bliss – natural high!
Meditation does influence your well-being. Couples meditation can give you a natural high because it can create a neurochemical change in the brain, allowing couples the experience of ecstasy and bliss together.
Couples Meditation For A More Intimate Bond With Your Partner
Couples meditation or partners meditation is a fantastic way to get closer to your significant other on a more intimate level. Similar to couples therapy, it can work to fine tune the communication between two partners.
We already know meditation has positive impacts on our individual stress levels, attention span, our ability to feel compassion, mental health, mindfulness, and our physical bodies. But by practicing mindful meditation on a regular basis with your significant other, you’ll also be able to reap those benefits in regards to your relationship. This practice is popular as a conflict-resolution method and for identifying toxic factors in your relationship. It allows couples to explore new ways to solve problems, create communication guidelines, and make reasonable compromises.
However, it doesn’t necessarily need to be practiced only during tough times. Meditation works to forge new paths of communication to establish a team allegiance, or strengthen the one you’ve already established. By adding it to your routine, you will be reminded of the bigger picture, feel more level-headed, and form a more spiritual connection with your partner.
Meditation for Couples Removes Negativity And Distractions
There’s no doubt relationships can get bogged down from the day-to-day stresses of life. Most of us are guilty of taking bad days out on our partners, or allowing work overload to kill our sex drive. Couples meditation combats that by focusing on removing these distractions.
By feeling the floor underneath your thighs and the air moving in and out of your lungs as you breathe slow and deep, you will begin to feel more grounded and at peace. Mediation will start to feel like your happy place. So, just imagine sharing that blissful headspace with your partner. Any negative energy surrounding your relationship is being wiped away each time you meditate together.
Couples Meditation Opens You Up
Couples meditation opens the door to a spiritual connection with your partner that aids in various aspects of a relationship. It helps couples speak openly with each other without fear of rejection or ridicule. Couples learn to create new guidelines of communication to satisfy their unique dynamic. And, by establishing these guidelines, you’ll feel in control of your relationship because of a mutual understanding of what is expected.
This practice also helps with issues of trust. By opening up through meditation, you allow yourself to become more vulnerable with your significant other. This vulnerability also has physical benefits; when your partner makes you feel safe and secure at your most vulnerable, you’ll be able to feel an increase of sexual pleasure. And chances are, this will lead to an increase in libido due to that boosted satisfaction.
Meditation for Lovers Makes You More Aware
Becoming more mindful is a tremendous perk that stems from the practice of couples mediation.
Mentally, it allows couples to understand their partner on a higher level, creating a spiritual understanding of emotions, rather than superficial ones. By creating a feeling of oneness with the universe together, you can translate your partner’s mood, which can potentially help derail arguments in the future.
These emotions also make their way into sexual acts, giving partners a more spiritual understanding of lovemaking. It also aids in the ability to read your partner during intercourse, which paves the way for greater sexual satisfaction.
Physically, by becoming more aware through the regular practice of couples meditation, individuals will feel sensations on a more extreme degree. You’ll be able to fully appreciate your partner’s touch and begin to understand the power of your own touch. The exercise of being aware of each breathe in and out during meditation carries over to sexual experiences and essentially trains you to feel every little sensation you and your partner experience in the present moment.
Couples Meditation Techniques
There are many different meditation techniques that couples use in order to become more connected to one another on an intimate level. Here are some of the most common approaches:
- Mindful Touching: Meditation that concentrates on light touches to and from your partner.
- Sensuality Meditation: A practice of experimenting and being mindful of all five senses.
- Meditation To Channel Sexual Energy Through Your Chakras: Using the chakras to channel sexual energy.
- Couples Meditation on Oneness: A nonsexual meditation that incorporates voice and focuses on emotion.
Tibetan Buddhist Pema Chödrön once said, “If it weren’t for my mind, my meditation would be excellent.” I’m not a Buddhist, nor an ordained nun like Chödrön, but I completely get what she’s saying. My mind always goes to food when I meditate—more specifically, cheeseburgers. My brain also travels to my to-do list, whatever show I’m bingeing on Netflix, or current stressors. Which is exactly why I need meditation, but also why I can never seem to stick with it.
Merriam-Webster defines meditation as the simple act of engaging in a mental exercise for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness. And loads of studies show that it’s basically a miracle non-drug for the brain.
Like many couples, my husband and I wade through life’s distractions, like a constant stream of text messages or the need for quick answers on an iPhone. If daily meditation can help keep us in the present, it’s kind of like a free form of counseling for a better relationship, right? We decided to give it a try for a month. Here’s what we learned.1. You can meditate anywhere.
Joey Klein, the author of The Inner Matrix: A Guide to Transforming Your Life and Awakening Your Spirit, tells SELF, “Any place or position is OK for meditation because you are engaging in an internal process; you can do that in a city, in the woods, lying down, or sitting up, and you can even engage certain internal processes while you are walking or working out.”
My husband and I both pictured meditation as sitting still in a cross-legged position, so we appreciated the myriad options for zoning out. Walking meditation is quite pleasant but difficult to do as a couple with the temptation to talk. Hiking meditation is pretty awesome (it’s so much easier to keep quiet and be in the moment when you’re surrounded by nature), but the best was in-flight meditation, which instantly quelled airport anxiety.
We did most of our meditating in the evening, sitting in bed. But unlike walking or sitting in lotus position, engaging in this casual style of meditation promptly led us both into deep sleep before our timer went off. Klein says that this is common for the newbie meditator and instead recommends sitting comfortably in a chair with your back straight, or on the floor with your back relaxed. But even when we fell asleep, it felt like a success.3. It’s hard to remember to do it every day.
Unlike my daily exercise routine of running or yoga, it’s hard to remember to meditate, and we completely forgot a few times. Klein says consistency is important when it comes to seeing the benefits of meditation and that skipping days will reduce the efficacy. “Think of meditation as lifting weights for the mind and the brain,” he suggests. “Just like you want to work out each day and not miss your workout—it’s the same idea.” We started setting a daily meditation reminder, and by the end of our month, it was rarely needed